In this sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends, Christopher Moore writes about Flood’s learning curve as a vampire in a hip and contemporary style – we know this because his writing almost comes out and says,“Hey, I’m hip and contemporary”. Thankfully, You Suck is, to make a cross-medium comparison, like the film Juno. After staring out like a bludgeon to the head, the language magically transforms itself into something effortless and, yes, amusing.

But then, there’s the plot and characters. Flood is turned, experiences his last bowel movement (tee hee) as Jody teaches him the ropes of being a vampire... then Moore lets loose the platypuses of comedy (no dogs of war here: this is parody) as he drags in an old vampire on a killing spree, a ruthless prostitute who sees vampirism as an escape from her sordid life, and Flood’s crew of vampire-killing slackers. Or, rather, I wish he had let loose the platypuses of comedy rather than the hamsters of mild amusement. Exhibit entered into evidence: Flood and Jody need a minion for daytime errands, so Flood picks a goth girl (of course) with ambitions of becoming a vampire (naturally) who listens to a band called Dead Can Dub (har, har) and calls herself Abby Normal (stop it, please, you’re killing me) and hides a secret propensity for perkiness (oh, the horror!). Oh my, a parody of goth within a parody of vampire stories; are we laughing yet? Where is Sexbat when you need him?

The problem is that You Suck doesn’t have enough teeth to deliver a lasting bite mark. There’s not enough plot to make it narratively nutritious, nor are the characters so deeply developed that the book can rank as a character study, although Abby Normal does, at least, give the book some entertainment value, however much that value can be measured in pennies. You Suck, in other words, doesn’t elicit great pontification or analysis. And with a parody that is rather bloodless on the whole, You Suck suffers the indignity of being harmless. At the very least, the book certainly doesn’t inspire profound and incredibly witty book reviews. It’s a take it or leave it kind of thing, with no real penalty for either choice.