This month, I’d like to share a little history on how this holiday came about. It starts in 5th century Rome; February 15th was known as the festival of Lupercalia, a celebration to ensure protection from wolves. This paid homage to the gods Faunus and Lupercus, as well as the twin brothers Romulus and Remus, the legendary founders of Rome. According to myth, Romulus and Remus were suckled and raised by wolves in a a cave on the Palatine Hill, in the city of Rome. The Romans appropriately named this cave the Lupercal, and used it as the center of Lupercalia ceremonies. Young male priests called Luperci were reported to have struck people with strips of animal hide. Women accepted the blows because they felt that this whipping would increase their fertility.

Roman society celebrated a young man’s rite of passage with this pagan tradition to the god Lupercus. Over time, Lupercalia celebrations shifted and were then celebrated with a lottery in which young men would retrieve the names of teenage girls from a box. The “winning” young lady was then deemed as the young man’s sexual partner during the remaining year. The young lady would often receive a gift or a greeting in the name of the Roman Goddess Juno.

Scholars generally agree that Lupercalia was moved from February 15th to the 14th and was Christianized by associating it with St. Valentine, however it is has been rather unclear just who the historical St. Valentine was. One theory posed that that he was a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up his Christian faith. Some legends state that due to his strong faith and beliefs, he healed the blind daughter of his jailer, signing his farewell note “From Your Valentine” just prior to his execution.

Some historians contend that St. Valentine was a temple priest jailed for defiance during the reign of Claudius the Goth around 269 A.D. Emperor Claudius found it rather difficult recruiting strong young men for his army and disputed that marriage was the culprit, believing it made men weak. This particular St. Valentine is alleged to have performed many secret marriages for young lovers, despite an edict making marriage illegal. When Claudius initially discovered Valentine, he tried to convert him to paganism while Valentine attempted to convert Claudius to Christianity. When Claudius' efforts failed, he had Valentine stoned and beheaded!

Whoever Valentine was, signs indicate that he actually lived as archaeologists have unearthed a Roman catacomb and an ancient church dedicated to a Saint Valentine. In 496 A.D., Pope Gelasius marked February 14th in honor of his martyrdom. In order to rid the harsh pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery where the box would now contain the names of saints instead of young ladies. Both sexes were allowed to draw from the lottery and the purpose of the game was to emulate the ways of the saint whose name they withdrew for the rest of the year. Instead of the pagan god Lupercus, the Church most wanted to find a suitable patron saint of love to take his place and found an appropriate choice in the noble St. Valentine.

Although the lottery for women had been banned by the church, this holiday celebration continued to be practiced, much like many other customs that the church tried to "convert" from the original Pagan leanings . This became known as a time for men give their beloved fond of messages declaring their love and admiration. The first true valentine card is said to have been sent out in 1415 by Charles, the Duke of Orleans, to his wife. This romantic card was sent from the Tower of London, where Charles was imprisoned, having been captured during the Battle of Agincourt. In 1537, King Henry the Eighth, as it is chronicled, declared February 14th as St. Valentine's Day, by Royal Charter.

Cupid was initially known in Greek mythology as Eros, the young son of Aphrodite, Goddess of beauty and love. To the Romans, he was Cupid and his mother was Venus. The ancients described him as having both a cruel and a happy nature. His cruelty was displayed in the treatment of the beautiful wife, the mortal princess Psyche. Cupid could not be with his wife unless it within the confines and safety of darkness because a mortal wasn't permitted to view a God. He loved his wife dearly, but, she was forbidden to ever see what he looked like. One night while Cupid was sleeping, Psyche lit a lamp so she could see her husband. Cupid awoke and fled in anger. Other myths, however, describe Cupid as a happy and handsome young man known to unite lovers. Over time Cupid began to be portrayed as a chubby and naked infant with wings, holding bow and arrows. If a person happened to be shot with one of cupid's arrows, allegedly they would fall madly in love! In our modern age, much of the Pagan mythology has been skewered due to the prevalence of the monotheistic religions which rewrote much of history's past traditions. The only reminder of our ancient past to this time honored day of love, is the image of a chubby Roman cherub with wings.

Unrequited love is more common than most would think. The majority of the Goth music world is full of such references, so understand that you have a lot of company in this realm.

At some point or another, we find ourselves unable to express how we truly feel towards someone. Hopefully, even though this young man has moved away, you have managed to at least obtain a forwarding address in order to keep in touch. If so, write him a letter or an email and tell him what your feelings are. It’s best to get it off your chest than to feel that it was a missed moment in time.

All of the emotional deprivation and self-punishment that you are experiencing won’t bring him back at the moment. Instead, utilize this as an opportunity for growth. From this day forward, make a resolve that you will tell people how you feel about them. Often, even older adults find loved ones on a deathbed and are still unable to express how they feel. Therefore, let this heartbreak be that lesson in life to commit to telling others what is on your mind before it is too late. Life lessons often require a bit of pain, so it is essential to make the best of it.

Life will often hold up situations such as this as a litmus test for our personal growth. Some sink into despair and often go into binges of overeating, oversleeping, drinking alcohol or drugs. This is not the way to handle emotions, so I would recommend you avoid those avenues while you are particularly vulnerable, because it will only make the situation a lot worse.

Do stay close to your other friends and express how you feel. A true friend will offer consolation or just an ear for you to ventilate with.

Now is also the time to do a “self-love” type of spell. Simply soak in a tub of rose petals, or rose oil, envisioning that all the emotion you feel for this young man is turning back onto you. Fill yourself up with loving thoughts and see in your mind the ultimate type of person you want to be. Ask the universe to bring to you someone who is the same or better. (This leaves the door open in the event that his feelings towards you are the same and he does come back at some later point.)

As far as the depression, you could also look into a short term use of St. John’s Wort which is sold at most health food stores, or online. If the depression continues to drag on for more than a month or so, then it would be essential to seek out a guidance counselor or some other type of counseling. Depression, as we have stated in past columns, is not something to ignore if it lasts for too long.

Do write back and let us know how you are doing.

Faith is something you have or don’t have. Before you get discouraged though, you are wise to listen to that inner bell and question everything.

If you think about it, the God and Goddess is in all of us, as the basic tenet is “as above, so below.” All you need to do to see the God and Goddess at work is look at life as it grows in the wild. It is free but harmoniously joined. We don’t see much of nature grow, but we know it exists. If it helps to think of them as energy or spirit forms, that is ok too. There isn’t a hard and fast rule other than “and ye harm none, do what thou will.”

Thank you for writing in. Feel free to drop a line to ask your pagan/herbal related questions or share your spiritual progress!