Spring is in full swing, thoughts of love drift on moonlit clouds and the Witch Hazel mailbox is overflowing with requests for love spells. As much as I love hearing from all of you, it is important to clarify a few things as we head towards summer, particularly where the heart is concerned.

At the top of the list, it is very important to remind you that is is never a good idea to do a spell to make someone love you. If you have to resort to that level and work that hard, chances are it isn’t really worth having. I know it is tough, particularly for those inexperienced hormonal folks out there, but nevertheless, this is a form of manipulation without another’s consent. Essentially, it brings with it bad karma while also holding you back from meeting the right one down the line.

Your energy would serve you much better if you did a spell that made you more alluring and appealing rather than focusing on just one particular person. Although we live in a world overrun with obtaining instant gratification, the laws of magic do not work with those rules.

Many have done love spells in the past and often found themselves with an annoying lovesick puppy on their hands that they just couldn’t get rid of. In the early stages of infatuation, it is easy to imagine that our beloved has no faults. Over time, some of these things become the very same reasons why we can no longer stand them and need to move on.

Those of you in a relationship or currently on the hunt for one, let me provide a bit of cautionary advice. Step back and look at your partner. If one of your best friends were with them, would you tell them to stay or go?

If you find that you are often left with unanswered questions, particularly in the emotional department, don’t expect that this person will be “the one.” Relationships take work and those not willing to work at it on an equal basis are just wasting your time.

If your mate screws up a lot and you find yourself making excuses for them or find yourself trying to make their life better because of what you are able to do for them, you must stop!

Without going into a long winded scenario, it is important to remind you that love is work and is definately not a game to be played without a rule book.

I highly recommend that those of you interested in relationship assertiveness obtain a copy of The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. Although it is written for women, men can also learn a great deal from it. In a nutshell, life is far too precious to waste on morons, so forewarned is forearmed. Work on yourself to be the best you can be in order to avoid settling for less than what you deserve.

Now, on to your questions!

Natalie, my heart goes out to you and your family during this very stressful time. Losing someone we love through such circumstance is always difficult, and too often we look to blame ourselves.

As much as this was a tragedy, you need to rest easily knowing that your brother is in another place. He is somewhere on the etheric plane looking down upon you.

As far as the afterlife, I had always been a cautious skeptic. However, having developed the ability for psychometry, (sensing psychic impressions from objects), the God and Goddess, Universal Power, or whatever you would like to call Him/Her, stepped in to teach me a lesson.

Some years back while studying and working towards developing my own psychic ability, in a club mind you of all places, a young woman asked what I was doing with my friends jewelry. This lady saw me rubbing the jewelry and stroking my cheek and palms with it and it no doubt looked rather odd to an outsider.

I explained to this lady that I was working on developing my ever tempermental psychometry skills. My friend, whose jewelry I was fondling, was insistent that I attempt to get some information about a potential love partner from his energy. She asked if I would mind attempting to read her jewelry. I did so figuring this was a prime opportunity for learning as I had never met this person in my life. I needed to test my learning and skill against a total stranger to convince me.

The first item was a necklace. Immediately, I saw that she was on her knees with her head on a bed with what could best be described as a “grandmother” figure. Many other symbols popped up, but for clarity, let’s just say that I felt that she was raised by her grandmother who was on a tube feeding in her home right up to the end. This young woman was with her at the end and the necklace belonged to the old woman.

Turns out that this was correct and it intrigued her further. She wanted me to read another item and I pleaded with her that it must be something only she had worn. It gets quite confusing trying to differentiate the energy from various people.

She hands me a Claddagh ring and swore that only she wore it. As soon as it touched my hand, I felt everything go black, as though hit on the head with a baseball bat. Next, I got a very strong “brother” feeling, that there was no mistaking it.

Within seconds, I started to see what I can only describe as “bubbles” of color that got brighter and more beautiful the more I looked. There were colors that I didn’t even have a name for. This overwhelming sense of peace and joy just came over me. At the same time, I began to profusely perspire. Something in the back of my head kept telling me to “STOP! You are going too far!!” I didn’t want to stop. I was really enjoying this experience, but that voice kept telling me that if I didn’t stop, my life would be in jeapordy.

I pulled myself out of this experience, not happily mind you because it did feel better than anything I had ever felt before or since. I discovered that I was soaking wet from head to toe from perspiration generated from the shift in energy between the worlds. Mind you, this all transpired in only a few seconds, a minute at the most, yet I was drenched!

The young woman leaned forward and tearfully kissed my cheek, thanking me. She said, “that ring belonged to my brother who died of cancer a year ago. I needed to know if he went anywhere or if this is all there is. I told you it was mine just to test you. I now have my answer.”

Essentially, some of my own skepticism was squelched because through someone’s death, I learned about life and a bit about the afterlife.

I know right now it is rather hard for you emotionally. It is a pain that won’t ever go away, and in a sense, that’s good, because you won’t ever forget him. However, work with that pain. The loss teaches you that you have a great capacity for love. His passing should help you to become even more loving to those around you. This is an opportunity for the whole family to grow and say the things they have longed to say but may have felt foolish or overly sentimental to speak.

At the same time, be more aware of his presence in the spirit state. Notice if you feel any immediate temperature changes around you while the rest of the area is all one temperature. Notice if you hear your name whispered on the wind at odd times. Keep an eye out for the things that he enjoyed and watch how sometimes they cross your path as way of saying “Hi!” Sometimes this can be a simple as a leaf from a favorite tree to any number of odd “coincidences.” Many things will happen to let you know he is right beside you, but you have to be open to the experience, as it isn’t like what is seen in Hollywood films. It is gentle and almost unnoticeable in most cases, unless you are attune to it.

Most importantly, don’t forget to say a prayer in whatever religion you believe in. Souls do hear them and need them to move onward so that they can develop on their spiritual plane. After a point, you won’t “feel” his presence because he will have gone on to the next level, which is a good thing. However, a piece of him will always be tucked away in your heart, ready to take out and remember when you need to smile and think of him.

During the initial stages of passing away, particularly through tragedy such as your brother’s, a soul will tend to linger a bit longer than they should. The best I can sum up is that it is like a “shock” to the soul system and sometimes they aren’t aware that they have crossed over. In time they get it, particularly with prayers said in their name.

Do understand that despite the tragedy, he is now in a far more peaceful place than could have been found here. (I’ve seen a small part of it and it IS beautiful!) The hard part now is learning to let go and not blame yourself. Let his life be remembered for the beauty and joy he brought to you. Remember him, love him, pray for him and above all, when you feel and know that the time is right, you will love him enough to let him move on.

Thank you for a wonderful recipe, though it may be too costly for some to readily create on their own. However, instead of beeswax, I would recommend Jojoba oil as beeswax can clog the pores and create a nasty skin breakout.

Regarding the first part of your letter, you don’t seem sure if you are Wiccan or not, so chances are that you aren’t but are highly curious about it. I do recommend doing a websearch for the Witches Vox, where you can find a multitude of additional information for furthering your learning experience.

The thing that does concern me is that you state you are bipolar and into self-mutilation. Although you do have medication to stabilize you, you don’t particularly like the “synthetic” feeling. What you need to realize is that you have a chemical imbalance and it is very important to take the medication consistently as prescribed by your doctor. Playing around with that type of medication can only make things worse for you by bouncing the brain chemistry all over the place. Without careful and conscientious intervention, things can get much worse!

In terms of things you smoke, it isn’t my place to play judge and jury. Everyone has free will, and that includes the will to also knowingly break the law by using a substance that is basically illegal in the U.S. There are many schools of thought regarding the use of such an herb, however, that is beyond the scope of this column.

You do need to be aware that utilizing such a substance can throw your brain chemistry off to a degree, eventually causing even more emotional pain than you bargained for. That particular substance does throw the hormones out of balance and if you couple it with prescribed medicine, it can only make things worse down the road.

The fact that you are into self mutilation tells me that you are crying out for help. If you are not seeing a therapist on a regular basis, it is essential that you do so. In the event that this isn’t possible, do talk with a guidance counselor or a trusted adult who can at least be some source of guidance, strength and a concerned ear for you.

Forget the guilt and find a way out of the mental darkness that you are living in. We all come into this world with a bunch of problems or another. No one is immune from a few curve balls that life throws at us from time to time. The important thing is to cherish yourself as the most unique and wonderful person that you are. There is not another you in the world and chances are there are a lot of things in life that you have still to contribute. Find that center of yourself that can bring you peace of mind and the joy of living.

Blessed Be!

Thank you for asking such an important question!

There are indeed people in the world who can suck energy or life force from another. Usually, one can tell they are in the presence of such a person when they find themselves around someone who makes them overly tired. Also, one can feel a bit irritated in the presence of some of these energy vampires. As time progresses, people will find themselves not wanting to be around these types of folks because of how badly they feel when they are around them.

In your case, you claim that you do it unintentionally. If that is indeed the case, it is important to learn to ground and center yourself. It would also help to carry a piece of hematite stone with you to keep you a bit more grounded.

As far as your friend, it is unlikely that she is a witch in the traditional sense if she is using her ability in a manipulative way. It definately falls within the confines of “do what thou will, but harm none.” Basically, she is manipulating the energy of others around her as though it is a parlor trick or game.

She may or may not stop it if you enlighten her that she could be hurting people without realizing it. For example, energy can be taken from someone as a “goof” and then that very same person feels tired and disoriented and ultimately has a car crash on the highway due to her interference.

The bottom line is power or gifts that are abused ultimately disappear. One cannot be selfish and find themselves working within the confines of positive Universal energies. The other important thing to realize is that “payback is a bitch!” One way or another, this form of manipulation will come back to haunt her. It would be in her best interest to quit with the power trips for her own safety and well being.

Feel free to write to me at witchhazel @ morbidoutlook.com. Due to the high volume of e-mail I receive, I may not be able to answer everyone’s questions, but stay tuned. You may see you question here in a future column.